jayble's stable | Darwin vs. The Internet

Darwin vs. The Internet (sort of)

July 11, 2003


	"Oh, loneliness and the internet are a dangerous mix."

Have you seen these websites which are basically online diaries where users can log in and write their thoughts and other users can view what people write, make comments, etc.,? Pretty dorky right? Well, I was checking one out the other day and before I knew it, I started to view random diaries. After reading bits and pieces of maybe a dozen different users, certain things seemed to resonate with every single one: Severe depression, loneliness, yet apathy too. They might as well called this www.loserville.com since that is the first impression I got from it (fyi www.loserville.com doesn't exist...yet).

So what type of person uses loserville? I think these sites thrive on three basic people:
1) people that use the site to stay in touch with friends without having to talk to them on a frequent basis or spend a lot of time catching up with them
2) people that are amused by this whole on-line diary fad or just having fun and wouldn't mind meeting people but don't use it exclusively to meet people
3) people that want to bitch, complain, etc., and wallow in their self-induced emotional hell (without trying to get out) and use this method to meet ALL of their friends

By my calculations, I'd say that 10% fall into category 1, 10% in category 2 and 80% in category 3. If you don't think you belong in one of these categories, that's just crazy, you know you do. Admit it.


	"My handle is BigStud69."

Category 1
Ok, this I can understand. I have tons of friends and it's tough to keep in touch with everyone and have every person know exactly what's going on with me (which usually isn't much). Believe me, when I got back from Greece, even though I wanted to tell everyone about the trip, I did not want to spend 45 minutes with every person telling them about the trip. In a perfect world I would have set up a conference call and everyone could dial-in and listen to me talk about the trip, followed by a Q&A Session. Of course the whole thing would be taped and stored for 2 weeks so those that those that missed the call could listen and find out about the trip.

But I digress...these Cat 1 people are completely normal. How great would it be if you were talking to a friend after a long time, and you can just say, "hey, look at my site, then call me so we don't have to waste an hour on catch-up conversation." Who would be against this? In reality though, most people's lives are not that interesting to necessitate any public forum updated daily.

Category 2
These people, well, I can somewhat understand them only cause they are just having fun on these types of sites. For the most part, they are normal. I say "for the most part" because wouldn't it be kind of weird if you were looking for friends who share the same interest as you on these diary sites? I mean seriously, every single interest/hobby in the world has it's own message board/community that you can join. Seriously, every band, city, television show, movie, corporation, sports team, etc. If you really want to talk shop about The Cubs or Smashing Pumpkins, just go and join a Pumpkins or Cubby message board. Still though, the Cat 2 people are probably just short term users who write stuff occasionally at best and their stay at these sites is probably very short.


	"Have you met my friends? Neither have I."

Category 3
Boy oh boy, these are the Goon Squad Members that I cannot relate to at all. These people are the future scaries of the world. Remember in high school, there was that one loner that just didn't fit into any group. Or, there were those groups of kids (1 or 2 tops) that were on the business end of insults and fists their whole life and unless something happened, they'd stay that way? Well, Category 3 is all of those people, the ones that just aren't normal. I know a lot of you are reading this and thinking, "Jay, who are you to decide what's normal?" like that scene at the end of Angus (good movie, great soundtrack). The thing is, it's not just these freaks and geeks. It's people that just can't relate to anyone (almost everyone) else and are incapable of having a surface conversation. Imagine you're at some event where you don't know many people. Well, if I met someone and they asked how things are going, even if my girlfriend broke up with me, ran over my dog, Wrigley burned down, and I got fired, my answer would still be "pretty good." These people though would probably tell you about all the angst and Dawson's Creek melodrama that's going on in their life; they have to bring up and discuss any controversial issue and are very confrontational; the people that would go to church to discuss how they didn't believe in God.

Well, if you notice, there are a lot more of these Category 3 people around nowadays. And it got me thinking, why are there so many of them around? How do these people stay in their social stasis permanently? Furthermore how do these social misfits find each other, date, and reproduce. I thought of how messed up their kid could be and how their offspring will probably get picked on, be anti-social, and an all around freak (maybe an uber-freak mixing all the bad qualities of Lucas, Arvid, Balki, etc. without any of the good).

Why is this happening? Why is there an increasing amount of freaks in the world?

Answer: The Internet


	Oh Lucas. If the internet were around you may have never come out of your shell.

Seriously, think about this. Before the internet these social outcasts would have been forced to come out of there social shell and make friends and try to have a normal existence. They would understand that their opinions aren't always superior to everyone else's. They would understand that it's not good to stay indoors all day and never meet new people. They would realize that the entire world is made up of so many different people that no person fits in to any group. They would evolve. If they didn't, usually, the really depressed outcasts would just kill themselves (yes, I know it's dark) and at least this depression gene wouldn't be passed down from one generation to another. Or, they would at least not meet anyone to reproduce and creates scores of uglies, pug-uglies, fuglies, pug-fuglies, and even the dreaded ugly-uglies, all with severe emotional problems.

But now, the internet has provided a way for all these social outcasts to thrive. With the internet, a person can have hundreds of friends, and yet never meet any of them face to face. Isn't this ridiculous? I mean, I can understand having a pen pal but unless you're in prison every friend you have shouldn't be a pen pal.

You may say to yourself, you don't fit into any Category and you just want a release, some forum to express yourself. That may be true, but then why don't you just use a normal diary and write in it? You don't because subconsciously you want people to read what you have to write but there is a certain safety if the readers are strangers and not your friends. Either way, you still belong in Category 3.

For all those people that use these sites, take a step back and look at yourself decide which category best describes you. If you are in Category 3, are you pale and see through since you stay indoors all day and never see the sun? Do you have more online friends than you do in-person friends? Do you immediately recognizes aliases as opposed to real names? Do you have any muscle tone in places other than your forearms (from typing)? I know that you think this is normal, but it's not. You are weird. Try going out and socializing and meeting people that you can actually hangout with, without needing an ISP.


	I don't think Darwin had this in mind.

I mean c'mon folks, meeting people isn't hard, I am an unattractive dork and I meet tons of people all the time.

If you going to forgo society and limit yourself to being friends with only people you meet in chat rooms or your internet diary, then at least stop reproducing. Your children will probably grow up as least as messed up as you. Besides, eventually you will have to socialize with your kid's teacher and possibly other parents? You know you're not prepared to do that unless PTA meetings and Parent-Teacher conferences are held in chat rooms?

All you category 3 people should do something to break out of your perpetual social awkwardness and if you do not "do the world a favor and recognize that natural selection would not select you, and do not, I repeat...do not reproduce."