iTunes Statistics: 13 genres, 131 artists, 286 albums.
From a forward:
This is just so funny that I think both parties can appreciate it: I propose that the Republican party
change its emblem from an elephant to a condom. Rationale: a condom more clearly and appropriately reflects the party's
stance today because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks,
and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting fucked.
I just found out that Amy Poehler (SNL) is married to Will Arnett (Arrested Development). They are now the front-
runners in the "Celebrity Couple I Most Want To Hang Out With" contest. Other couples in the running are (in no order):
Dave Navarro/Carmen Electra, Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston, John Cusack/Jeremy Piven, Lindsay Lohan/Lindsay's chest, Andy Roddick/
Mandy Moore.
Uno, Dos, Tres...where's Catorce?
Apart from random doodlings, this is a list I came up with during a meeting at work (feel free to add to it).
1. Air Force One/One Crazy Summer
2. Two Days In The Valley, The Two Towers (Ian)
3. The Three Amigos
4. Four Rooms, Four Weddings and a Funeral
5. The Fifth Element
6. Six Days, Seven Nights, The Sixth Sense
7. Se7en
8. Hard Eight, Eight Mile
9. The Whole Nine Yards
9.5 9 1/2 Weeks
10. The Whole Ten Yards
11. Ocean’s Eleven
12. Twelve Monkeys, Ocean's Twelve
13. Thirteen Days, Thirteen, Friday the 13th (Ian)
14. Saturday the 14th (Ian)
15. Fifteen Minutes
16. Sixteen Candles
19. K-19 The Widowmaker
24. 24 Hour Party People
25. The 25th Hour
28. 28 Days Later
30. 13 Going On 30
34. Miracle on 34th Street
40. 40 Days and 40 Nights
50. 50 First Dates
"I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself. With these revisions and gaps in history. So let
me help you remember. I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear. I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave."
This is perhaps the funniest email I've received in the last three years:
Everybody I knew had an obsession with Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. I wanted to be trained in the ninja craft, but could never
find a teacher willing to hide my identity and supply me with unlimited throwing stars and smoke bombs for escapes. However,
the Logan County fair had a small vending table set up underneath the Grand Stand along the fringe of Midway Alley (just ask
Lance what that is). There I found a wide selection of bronze and silver throwing stars. I decided to go with the 12-point star
that had inscriptions of such Ninja qualities as Power, Fight, Judo, etc. I chose this star for its ease of throwing, stability
in transit to my target, and the fear it instilled in my neighbor friends. My brother opted for the wave-star (4-point), which
to this day I do not understand his reasoning. I saw that star stick in a tree once...and that was when it was thrown by Aaron
Donsbach; a neighbor boy trained at one of the local Lincoln karate facilities.
I think the two most enjoyable shows on TV right now (other than The Simpsons) are Arrested Development and The OC. There are
no other shows I watch that I look forward to as much as these two.
Go Illini
The Illini are #1! And they've been #1 for the last few weeks. Undefeated heading into the first Big Ten game tonight. Can things
get any better? Yes...around March...you know how.
Excerpts from a blog:
"i think keeping this trip down to 2 weeks will protect me from any emotional eventualities."
"i want to locate every etching of the phrase 'i was here," then locate every author of the phrase and tell them, 'you weren't
honest *as* you wrote it - maybe now but at that moment you were *still* there.' but i'm sure they'd say they were being practical.
its not space efficient to say, 'i am here as i write this sentence but will have been by the time you read it.'"
"there's some weird moral logic in there, but i'm not sure if it's apparent."
"the roommate guy from school of rock was a prick at starbucks (but i was too busy to notice, on my cell phone)."
"i feel like the lord protector of some meaningless memory...i'm keeping it alive because the me and her of back then just knew it
was important. i can't see it, but i do it out of the respect for the, uhm, non-existent. with that said, i really hope things
worked out for those two."
"i heard this today, and agree: 'we are simultaneously in the position of being a laughing stock and completely feared.
that's very odd."
My new favorite character on SNL is Merv the Perv. Chris Parnell is completely underrated.
"Look, a seagull."
Excerpt:
G.O.B.: Creative control, spin-off rights and theme park approval for Mr. Banana Grabber, Baby Banana Grabber, and any other Banana
Grabber family character that might emanate there from.
Michael: I retain animation rights and we go back to single dip.
G.O.B.: I shouldn't have given up animation rights.
I feel that Julia Roberts is the most overrated actress.
Halo 2 is occupying more of my friends' time than it ought to be...or maybe it's not occupying as much time as it should be...or...
forget it.
Is it acceptable to put "Maker of killer peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" under the Skills portion of a resume? I say yes.
So I was drinking hot tea and I finished it quickly. I thought the bag had at least another 8oz serving left in it but I didn't
know if it's good or acceptable to reuse. I almost asked a co-worker what was "teabag etiquette" before I realized what I was
about to say and stopped myself. Unintentional Comedy Scale: 92.
The new Batman trailer looks awesome.
I didn't think we could top last year's New Year's Eve but we did.
Well following in the time honored tradition, the following are a complete list of my resolutions for 2005. If I feel like it, I
may update this as I break them.
"Scotchy scotch scotch."
1. No fast-food.
2. Stop thinking so much about what others think of me and starting thinking more about what I think of others.
3. Start gambling more.
4. No french fries.
5. Drink more scotch. I like scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch. Here it goes down. Down to my belly.
6. Understand the difference between Snickers Crunch and Whatchamacallit
7. Meet Danica McKellar (see below)
8. If #7 fails, meet Rachel Bilson
9. If #8 fails, meet Jennifer Garner
9a. Break up Garner and Affleck. AFFLECK!!*
10. Update The Stable more often
* how long before Affleck ruins Garner's career? I say six months.
Did anyone see Ashlee Simpson's performance during the Orange Bowl? It was WHORE-able.
So I was in the elevator the other day and there was a this blurb on the video screen about celebrity birthdays. Turns out
that January 3, 2005 Danica "Winnie Cooper" McKellar turns 30. 30! Was Wonder Years really that long ago? So I decided
to look her up on the intraweb. The last I heard of her she discovered some new math theorem and I saw her on West Wing a while
back. So anyways...she's smoking hot (in my opinion but my friends disagree). I think she's the original Katie Holmes.....ooooh....
this deserves it's own article...next time on the stable.
