jayble's stable | Christmas Moratorium

Christmas Moratorium

November 11, 2005

Andy asked me to write something about a moratorium that I institute every year so here it is.

Every year I institute a moratorium on "buying things for yourself" which starts on November 1st and lasts through December 25th.

History
Flashback five years. It is the year 2000. Limp Bizkit (Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water), Lenny Kravitz (Greatest Hits), and Nelly (Country Grammar) rule the airwaves. David Kelley's Boston Public is Fox's new hit, Michael Richards is making a lackluster return to television, and Kiefer Sutherland is still one year away from being a bad-ass CTU Agent. The Yankees had just finished beating the Mets in the World Series. Most poignantly, a nation is still weeping as George W. Bush was elected the 43rd president of the United States of America.


	"You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop."

I was at Best Buy during this time doing some Christmas shopping for my friends. While strolling the CDs and DVDs I came upon a gift that I was sure that my friend Lance would love: Beastie Boys DVD Video Anthology - Criterion Collection. This DVD had just come out and I was sure Lance was as unaware that it existed. Remember, this is 2000, and Best Buy still stocked more VHS than DVD. Fast forward a few weeks - it is now the 2nd weekend in December. Lance, Claire (his future wife), and I decide to go to Michigan Avenue to finish our Christmas shopping. Our last stop that day is Virgin Megastore. As we are minutes away from leaving, I notice Lance looking at the DVDs and immediately spot the Beastie Boys DVD.

Lance: Hey, check this out.
Me (reserved): Oh, that looks okay.
Lance: I am going to get this.
Me (to myself): Fuck. Now what. Either I tell him that I got this for him or find another gift.
Claire: Well Lance why don't you wait until after Christmas to buy it.
Me (to myself): I'm saved! Thank you Claire! (Claire did not know that I bought this for Lance)
Lance (sadly): But I want it now. No one's going to get this for me.
Claire: Fine.
Jay: Um Lance. I'm pretty sure you're going to get that for Christmas.
Lance: Huh. <pause> Ohhhh.

The best part was that Lance's sad face when he realized he ruined the surprise factor of the gift was nothing compared to the even sadder face when he realized he would not be watching Mike D. directed by Spike Jonze that night.

It was that night the Moratorium was born. But like a degenerate dead-beat dad, I never paid attention to the moratorium and only rarely told my friends about it until 2003. 2003 was the first year that I instituted the moratorium rules on my friends. The rules have changed little through the last couple years and are as follows:


	Even though there are five Air Buds, it only counts as one item. 1997: Air Bud 1998: Air Bud: Golden Receiver 2000: Air Bud: World Pup 2002: Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch 2003: Air Bud: Spikes Back

RULES OF THE MORATORIUM (ON BUYING THINGS FOR YOURSELF)

1.	You may buy things for yourself that cost more than $30.
2.	You may not buy things for yourself that cost less than $30 unless:
	a.	You need to buy a book to read and only if you have no other reading material and are unable to borrow a book (from a friend or institution). If you do buy a book, you cannot buy more than one book and if you have a choice between a book or other reading material (e.g. magazine or newspaper) then you must always choose the latter.
	b.	You need to buy essentials such as food, beer, socks, underwear, etc.
	c.	You provide a list of items you want for Christmas. The list must have three times as many items as the distribution list. For example, if you are sending the list to five people, it should have 15 items. If you are sending the list to 100 people, it must have 300 items. If you give a blanket category then that can count as 2-3 items depending on how general it is. "Hip Hop CDs" could count as three items but "Air Bud DVDs" would only count as one and "Bill O'Reilly books without lies" would count as zero.
	d.	You happen to come across a great deal on clothes. If you happen to find some Seven jeans for $20 that are perfect for you, I am not going to stop you from buying them. Note that this rule only works for clothes.
3.	You may not legally download CDs or individual tracks but you may illegally download music.
4.	You may not buy any DVDs under $30 but you are also allowed to download movies.
5.	If you institute a moratorium then you must follow the same rules and provide your own wish list to others.
NOTES:

>	If you do purchase something for yourself that violates one of these rules then you will be off my Christmas list.
>	If you are unsure if a gift will violate the moratorium, then please ask me.

See, that's it. It's a pretty simple set of rules for the moratorium. I don't think it's asking too much of someone to not buy some things for themselves for a few weeks. Instituting the moratorium makes buying things for people much easier and more enjoyable. I would rather buy a friend something they want than something they don't and will end up returning. Wouldn't we all?