jayble's stable | Rambling V

Rambling V

April 7, 2006


	The aluminum Bud Light bottle, the Kevin Arnold of beer containers.

Have you seen the ads for the new aluminum Bud Light bottles? These can-ottles remind me of the kids in high school that thought they were too cool to be seen with the nerds but not cool enough to hang out with the jocks; They are the Kevin Arnold of beverage containers.

In the last few months, I've noticed that more and more people are using the elevator to move up and down three floors or less. Does this bother anyone else? I can understand if there are clients involved, or if due to the building architecture you are forced to do this, or possibly if you have your hands full, but really, that's it. It does not make sense to me; If you are skinny and fit, there is no reason not to use the stairs. If you are fat then you could use the workout. One time I was going from the lobby to the eleventh floor and someone got on at the second floor and got off on the third. Then another person entered and she proceeded to exit on the fourth. I've never felt like stabbing two complete strangers so much.


	If OTIS was around in the 1900s, Pavlov would have more experiments to run.

Speaking of elevators, I've noticed that I've turned into some lab monkey for a Pavlovian experiment. The elevators in my building have an LCD screen that shows headlines, news, stock prices, etc. It's only there so people can look at something while waiting. One day I noticed it was broke, yet I still stared at it for no reason other than habit. Stupid Pavlovian Elevators.

512. That's the number of times I've been freaked out by people that use Blue Tooth technology yet it's not obvious that they have a headset. In Chicago, it's not really strange to see people talking to themselves. It is strange seeing non-overtly-homeless people talk to themselves.

I used to really like Nothing Better by the Postal Service. But after a couple listens, one line really bothered me: "I will block the door like a goalie tending the net In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry." First, if it's the 3rd quarter, then that isn't as much pressure than if it was the fourth quarter. Second, "goalie" and "net" imply that the game is either Soccer (Futbol) or Hockey. In Soccer the game is divided in halves, not quarters. In hockey, the game is divided into three periods, not quarters. If this is a reference to another game that is divided into quarters with a goalie and net, then I am not aware of the sport. I still like the song, but not nearly as much.

Although relationships take work it does not mean that you need to work at every relationship.


	God bless you Larry Appleton. If only He would bless Balki.

It's good to see Larry Appleton getting work again. I wonder what Balki is up to these days. In fact, in recent years a lot of actors have been making comebacks: Matthew Fox, Scott Wolf, Neil Patrick Harris, Bob Saget (it's true!), Sara Gilbert, C. Thomas Howell (yep, him too!). Actually, of all the shows with ensemble cast, has any show had as many cast members disappear as much as Head of the Class? There were at least 8-10 kids that had potential acting careers and the only person with measurable success was Eric, the punk. It's not like the kids from other old shows (Eight is Enough, Diff'rent Strokes, Growing Pains, Just the Ten of Us, Mr. Belvedere) are doing anything either, but still. There is no reason I should know or think about any of this, but I do.

This new money is crazy.

Rothschild, KGB, and I know entirely too much about a worker in our cafeteria; Entirely too much. We would all benefit if she followed a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.


	You've sold your soul for naturally sweetened pearl shaped cereal Cap'n Jack Sparrow!

What the hell. I just finish the Choco Madness Tournament and there are two new chocolate cereals out. Cap'n Crunch is now branching into the Peanut Butter/Chocolate game with from what I can tell is a clone of Reese's. Anything has to be an improvement from Peanut Butter Crunch. Second, Kellogg's introduced Pirates of the Caribbean cereal. I'm on to Kellogg's though. After Lilo & Stitch and now this, it's obvious they have teamed up with Disney to market the next movie or cartoon as a chocolate marshemellow cereal. Bastards. Remember when it was about the cereal?

Actual email from my friend: "Yesterday I was hit on at the gym. I was hit on by an old gay man. This will seem like a joke to you, but he actually started the conversation by telling me how excited he was to see Brokeback Mountain. It was awkward to be talking about gay themes in the middle of the weight room."

2006 is gearing up to be a banner concert year. On the lineup: Coldplay, The Strokes, KT Tunstall, Angels & Airwaves, various bands at Lollapalooza 2006, and I've seen Zerostars three times. At this rate my hearing should be gone by the fall. Actually Strokes has been removed from the list. Even though I am 29, look like I'm 23, medically speaking I am apparently 92.


	The Stormtrooper 10-Pack. A toy that only existed in my 10 year old dreams.

The biggest toy debacle in the last 25 years is the lack of bulk grunt troopers by Hasbro. As a kid, whenever I could buy a Star Wars or G.I. Joe figure, I hated wasting money on one stormtrooper or one non-descript Cobra. Yet the enemy ranks would be grossly incomplete without these figures. In the end I had to resort to using the same ones over and over in various battles. Kenner could have easily solved this by selling a 10-pack of Stormtroopers for a discount. As a kid I would easily buy at least a couple of these to fill out enemy lines. At the very least, these would definitely make it on a Christmas lists. If only Hasbro would listen.

As much as I like Prison Break and the major brooding-training that I am certain each actor went through, I believe I could describe my feelings for the show with the phrase, "Shit or get off the pot."


	He looks like my friend's dad.

Although Chris Ballard has a great Q&A with Bill Simmons on sportsillustrated.com, I think they could have found a better picture of Sports Guy.

Typically, in a one syllable adjective, the comparative and superlative forms end in -er and -est. If I said that I was smart, Bill Gates was smarter, and Stephen Hawking was the smartest then everyone would know the "order" of intelligence between the three of us. I just noticed that this does not apply to the word "thick" in the comparative case when used to describe girls. If I said that one girl was thick and another girl was thicker, the girl I described as thick is actually bigger than the girl I described as thicker. A girl that is "thick" is clearly big whereas a girl that is "thicker' is still fighting to stay thin but losing the war. I love slang and the english language.

Speaking of thick, I'm sorry, but if I found out Hurley just pitched a shitload of food instead of giving it away just so he could lose some weight, I'd be pissed. I don't care if a plane did drop off a crateload of more food.

Good Night, and Good Luck.