jayble's stable | And Then There Were Eight

And Then There Were Eight

August 25, 2006


	Pluto: Most Likely to Underachieve

It started with a simple text message: "R.I.P. Pluto's status of being a planet. And then there were eight."

My friend Mike sent me that message yesterday morning and 11:43am (CST). I could hardly believe it. Sure, there were rumors that this could happen, but I never thought it would. I actually thought that those two kiss-asses, Ceres and Xena, would be upgraded to planets, but never did I think Pluto would be downgraded to a dwarf planet. I quickly checked CNN to validate Mike's message. He was right. The full story reports that the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of planetary status while sitting comfortably in their chairs in Prague. Bastards! NASA has already downgraded Pluto on their website.


	Keyes' long awaited sequel

I first met Pluto back in grade school. While I always felt a closer kinship with Saturn, Pluto and I were pretty good friends as well. Since that time, our friendship has only gotten closer. While my friendship with Saturn deteriorated in college, Pluto and I became better friends. We didn't go to the same school, yet the friendship survived. I can't explain it. Perhaps it was the inferiority complex we both shared, perhaps it was out mutual dislike of Jupiter.

Pluto and I helped each other through many hard times. He was there for my multiple break-ups and heartaches, and when his much publicized break-up with Venus occurred in 2003, I was there for support. You see, Pluto never had the best self esteem. He was the last planet identified; described as icy and cold; the poor man's Neptune; slow (taking 248 years to orbit the sun; and the one with the weird orbit. Even after he was identified, there was debate on whether he was or wasn't a planet. I am surprised he even had the courage to ask out Venus, one of only two female planets, in the first place.

Now after 20+ years of friendship, Pluto is going through some very difficult times. Times from which I am not entirely sure he can recover. According to the IAU a planet is a celestial body that is in orbit around the sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a ... nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit.

Pluto does not qualify because its oblong orbit overlaps with Neptune's.


	"You know we just don't recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they're happening. Back then I thought, well, there'll be other days. I didn't realize that that was the only day."

What people, especially scientists...and Batman, don't understand is that Pluto and Neptune have always had a tumultuous relationship. They always seemed like the Goofus and Gallant of the planets; one always exceeding expectations while the other failed to meet them. Now, Pluto's been demoted to a dwarf planet with Ceres and Xena; like the kid who finally turns 13, only to be told that there is no space at the adult's table and being sent back down to the kiddie table at Thanksgiving; the Archibald "Moonlight" Graham of planets.

Ironic, that Pluto, named after the Roman God of the dead and now, is dead himself...or at least his planet status.

Tim Kreider said it best, "Planets [should be] like supreme court justices, once appointed, they are in for life, no matter how unqualified they turn out to be."

I hope that in 2015, when the Horizon spacecraft reaches Pluto, we can finally explore the celestial body for what it is, and reclassify him as a planet. Until then, rest in peace Pluto's Planetary Status...I hardly knew thee.