jayble's stable | Five...Things I Learned From IV

5...Things I Learned From IV

February 14, 2007


	And Then There Was Four

About one year ago I wrote, "5...Things I Learned from Chuck Klosterman," where I selected five different things that I learned from two of Klosterman's books, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs : A Low Culture Manifesto and Killing Yourself to Live : 85% of a True Story.

Klosterman just released a new book, Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas and you can also watch an interview he did with Bill Maher using the above link. I have to warn you...no matter how much you mentally prepare yourself to hear his voice, you will still be shocked. I had a similar experience when I met Bill Simmons last fall.

Additionally, I think Chuck Klosterman looks like Oliver from the Brady Bunch; so much so that I looked up Oliver on imdb.com. Apparently he was played by Robbie Rist and little Robbie has his own myspace page.


	7 Nation Army

1. The White Stripes, Metro, Chicago, IL July 2002
[IV pg 113-120] - As we talk, guitarist Jack speaks in full, articulate paragraphs. Drummer Meg mostly hugs a pillow and curls her lefts underneath her body, hiding feet covered by rainbow-colored socks that resemble Fruit Stripe gum's zebra mascot. The night before, the duo played the Metro club near Wrigley Field, and it was an acceptable ninety-minute show. Tonight they'll play a blistering set at the Metro that won't start until 12:55 A.M., and it will annihilate the molecules of Illinois's air; They will do an extended version of a new song ("Ball and Biscuit") that will make references to being a seventh son and includes a grinding guitar solo, shredded over the beat from Queen's "We Will Rock You." They'll cover the Animals' "House of the Rising Sun." Everything will be raw and unrehearsed and imperfect.

The White Stripes played a phenomenal show on July 12, 2002. At least that's what I thought. The show I described as phenomenal, Klosterman describes as acceptable. That is a kick in the balls.


	"You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions."

2. The Ice Planet Goth
[IV pg 121-130] - One day every year, a whole bunch of goth kids go to Disneyland (partially because they like the iconography, but mostly because it seems like a crazy thing for goth kids to do). As such, these kids really want attention; they were not difficult to find, and it was not difficult to convince them to talk about themselves. I mention that Disney's mainstream parkgoers appear oddly unalarmed by the number of people bumping around in capes and hooded death robes. However, these goths feel differently about the level tolerance. "I was just in one of the stores," says twenty-eight year-old chemist Jennifer Nogle, "and all the normals were asking the staff questions like 'What's with these people? Are they part of some weird religion?' Get Real." Nogle's reference to "normals" - goth slang for nongoths - raise an interesting point: people are constantly asking goth kids what makes someone goth. However an equally valid question is: What makes someone a normal? "They are not us," Nogle says with focused conviction. "They wear polo shirts."

The last part of the excerpt is what I find the most interesting because Klosterman asks a very important question. I hate the hypocritical mentality (of these specific goths but people in general) portrayed by Klosterman. In general, I never understood how anyone could seriously classify groups of people based on one distinct attribute. I've found that most people that dislike groups of people, often display those same characteristics themselves. I had a roommate in college who criticized what people wore if it was in anyways mainstream (think Abercrombie & Fitch), but he paid as much attention to his "non-conforming" look as someone he criticized - in some cases more attention. I don't see the difference. In most movies, these characteristics are amplified to an extreme sense. The uber-jock and uber-nerds in them never existed. Goths and Jocks may both exist - but they have more in common than either realizes - and in fact all are normal.


	Man or Mannequin?

3. Clothes Make The Mannequin
[IV pg 243-245] - Last week I needed a sweater, which is always a problem. I don't understand how to buy things; I always choke in the clutch. But in this instance, I made (what seemed like) a brilliant decision: I walked into the The Gap on Forty-second and Lexington, I glanced at all the in-store mannequins and I simultaneously purchased every garment the most eye-catching mannequin happened to be wearing. I actively became the human incarnation of an inhuman model, primarily because (a) I assume the kind of people who dress mannequins spend a lot of time considering aesthetics, (b) this eliminated decision making, and (c) I am somewhat "mannequin-shaped." I start walking to work, and I can tell that everything about my life is instantly reinvented.

I have a couple friends who don't understand why anyone would comb their hair in a certain "style" or dress in a more ad-friendly way. While they don't overtly say anything, I can tell they feel this way by the comments they make. What my friends don't realize is that people (myself included) do these things because they feel better when they do - and that's really the most important aspect. They don't necessarily feel better than anyone else - but they feel better about themselves. It may not be right that an outfit, hairstyle, or accessory makes a person feel better but they do.


	Little did they realize that they made each other better.

4. Nemesis vs. Archenemy
[IV pg 225-230] - You don't need a friend and you don't need a lover. What you need is (a) one quality nemesis and (b) one archenemy. These are the two most important mechanisms in any human life. We measure ourselves against our nemesis, and we long to destroy our archenemies. They are the catalyst for why we do everything. You kind of like your nemesis, despite the fact that you despise him.

While I can't say that I agree with the lack of friends and lovers, I whole-heartedly believe in the latter. In fact, I think it's possible to have multiple nemesis - different nemesis for different things. For example, in college and in certain things now one of best friends, Brad, is also my nemesis. When it comes to TV, I think my friend Jon is my nemesis. This whole concept was explored in Tango & Cash. The two were each other's nemesis and they shared an archenemy: Jack Palance. I don't have an archenemy - or maybe I do and my archenemy hasn't revealed himself to me yet. Either way, s/he and my nemeses make me better.


	Jake Dalton, head bouncer Double Deuce Club

5. Guilty Pleasures
[IV pg 259-263] - I am not sure if anyone actually invented the term "guilty pleasure," since - in and of itself - it seems like a reasonable way to describe certain activities. For example, it is pleasurable to snort cocaine in public restrooms, and it always makes you feel guilty; as such, lavatory cocaine fits perfectly into this category. However, almost no one who uses the term "guilty pleasure" is referring to situation like these; people who use the term "guilty pleasure" in casual conversation are often talking about why they like Patrick Swayze's Road House. This drives me insane for two reasons: by labeling things like Patrick Swayze as guilty pleasures, it somehow dictates that (a) people should feel bad for liking things they sincerely enjoy, and (b) if these same people were not somehow coerced into watching Road House every time it comes on TBS, they'd just as likely be reading A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

I am guilty of using the phrase, "guilty pleasures," and like Klosterman says, I've always used it in the second situation he describes. No one should be embarrassed for liking the things they like (outside of people that like the band Creed). Although Klosterman is right, it doesn't change the fact that I am slightly embarrassed that I watch Beauty and the Geek.

There they are: five things I've learned from Four. In addition to the books mentioned above, he also contributes to ESPN's Page 2 once a month and is a senior writer for Spin magazine and columnist for Esquire.

Happy Valentine's Day!