jayble's stable | Zombie Lions Will Inherit The Earth

Zombie Lions Will Inherit The Earth

March 30, 2007


	Zombie Amy...and her fiance Zombie Bob

Below is an email conversation I had with my friend Amy, the only person I know that can speak eloquently about zombies and zombie culture. Unless you are interested in zombies, you should probably just skip this and read the next article.

From: Jayble; To: Amy; Subject: Zombie Lions will Inherit the Earth
I think it’s safe to say that in the non-zombie world, without the use of technology, man would lose a battle when pitted against most animals (grizzly bear, lion, tiger, rhinoceros). In the zombie world, man is invariably doomed, so once only zombies exist, why wouldn’t zombie lions destroy zombie man? In zombie culture, rarely do zombies work together towards a common goal. Zombies in general are out for themselves only. Even though many animals roam in packs, a zombie animal would also inherit the isolated nature of zombies. Therefore, in most cases it would be one zombie man versus one zombie animal, and I can’t imagine a situation where animal wouldn’t destroy man.


	"In your head, in your head, Zombie, zombie, zombie!"

From: Amy; To: Jayble; Subject: RE: Zombie Lions will Inherit the Earth
Well, first of all, I don’t believe that man is doomed in a zombie world—we’re faster and smarter than zombies are. Let’s have a little hope here. Even if zombies evolve like in Land of the Dead, humans have got a lot going in our favor.

But throwing animal zombies in mixes everything up. I’ve always maintained that humans and animals rarely contract viruses from each other, but certainly with AIDS originating from monkey-to-man transmission (am I outdated in my knowledge there, or is that still the hypothesis?) it’s a possibility. And in Resident Evil there are zombie dogs, and in 28 Days Later the virus originated with lab apes. So… let’s assume that my original position is incorrect, and, as a result, humans will not only have to fight zombie humans but also zombie rhinos, stingrays, dogs, horses, and flies (?). Wait, no. Not all animals share viruses or transmit them from species to species. I am not a scientist, but let’s say that in the case of AIDS the virus was transmitted because of the similarities in the genetic makeup of humans and monkeys, meaning we can’t contract viruses from all types of animals and vice versa. The dogs in Resident Evil and the apes in 28 Days Later were all lab animals, purposefully infected. Let’s assume then that lab apes could only transmit the virus to other apes, and lab dogs could only transmit the virus the other dogs. Okay, that’s better. In that case, we, as humans, have to contend with zombie humans and potentially an isolated animal species that was purposefully infected, which is probably not going to happen. Really, where do these viruses come from anyway?

Man won’t be completely technology-free. We will still have guns and ammo. And even in many, many years when our traditionally made weapons run out, we will have thought of new weapons to use against human or animal zombies.

But if there were a case of zombie man vs. zombie lion—zombie lion would win.


	It's a only a matter of time before a girl tears these two apart...

From: Jayble; To: Amy; Subject: RE: Zombie Lions will Inherit the Earth
Man is most certainly doomed. In most zombie movies, man usually wins, but I think this is an idealistic resolution. It’s possible that the virus is just laying dormant and all it will take is another dead person to “re-activate” the virus. Man’s best weapon against zombies is time. Man just has to outlive the zombies.

Viruses can be transmitted from animal to man (AIDs with monkeys, rabies with dogs, the bird flu). I will cede your point though so maybe not all animals will be infected by the zombie virus, but the ones that are (monkeys, dogs, and birds) are tough species to fight against. Furthermore, the average animal typically has more strength than the average man (on a ratio basis). Monkeys are fucking strong. Birds will be the Luftwaffe of the zombie animal militia.

I don’t think we (as people) are generally smart enough to develop new weapons targeting zombies. Most scientists will be dead (initial zombie outbreak) and the ones that survive have to team up with the zombie killing jock to survive – it’s a business relationship where short-term survival is dependant on the jock and long-term on the scientist – similar to Zach and Screech’s friendship. What will happen next? A girl will enter the mix and cause unwarranted and unneeded strife. So maybe in the zombie world, the true enemy won’t be zombies…it will be man! I just blew my own mind!

Oh, and I finished reading World War Z I really enjoyed but I will save the discussion for your reply email about zombies or the next time we meet.


	World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War

From: Amy; To: Jayble; Subject: RE: WWZ
I’m glad you enjoyed it. Do you want to learn a trade now? I told Bob that I want to either learn to garden or shoot a gun. He told me “no way” for the gun-shooting, so I guess I have to learn how to garden...

Okay, I had wanted to wait to respond until you finished WWZ. I also think you should read “I Am Legend” by Richard Matheson—just the short story by the same title, not the whole book, although the whole thing is pretty good…

I agree that the virus would always be a problem, resulting in numerous outbreaks from time to time that would need to be controlled—but I think that overall man would be able to survive. You’re right—man just has to outlive the zombies, because the zombies are rotting flesh, and they’ll deteriorate eventually—as long as we can control the future outbreaks.

Mankind has adapted through a million different things, and although zombie birds would be a total pain in the as*, I think we’d find a way to fight them. (Can you imagine zombie pigeon?? Holy crap.)

Even though the general population might be dumb, well, is dumb, it can figure out a way to more efficiently take off zombie heads. While a partnership with a zombie-killing jock would be fortuitous, zombies are slow, and most people could kill one in a one-on-one situation. It’s the mass attack where you’d have no hopes for survival. Unless, of course, a helicopter comes to whisk you away as you cling to life.


	"A thousand nations of the Zombie empire descend upon you."

From: Jayble; To: Amy; Subject: Re: WWZ
I can shoot a gun and I can use nunchuks. I’ve also see 300, the Lord of the Rings movies, and Star Wars movies numerous times so I think I can wield a sword pretty well. I will have to team up with a group of food producers (you). Would Bob be security or production? We’d need someone with engineering skills…I’m thinking Nick on that one.

Ok – so when Zombies attack we have you, bob, me, and nick. This is the start of the Marieagan (or Reagayappa) plan**. The Honda Element is a good vehicle but we may need smaller vehicles (bikes, motorcycles, and such).

** Chicago version of the Redeker Plan.

From: Amy; To: Jayble; Subject: RE: WWZ
LOL. I think that Reagayappa would be fun to say all the time—with straight faces as we sit around a circular table making serious plans… We need Matt, too, for general handiness and the ability to fix most things when they fall apart. We absolutely need to deck out the Element, and we will need motorcycles for navigating the congested streets… My big thing is that we WILL believe the reports of outbreaks (unlike the rest of the population) and we can high-tail it to the caves (in the mountains that zombies can’t climb) or a much less populated space to stake our territory. We’ll be mobilizing while everyone else is sitting on their hands. The challenge will be getting our friends and families to go with us… I’ve already told Bob that he’d have to go. Jennifer will be with us (and I think Blix would go with her). I think Kurt would go just for the fun of it… I’ve decided I’d have to kidnap my family, but that’s okay.


	Quisling: Any human that acts like a zombie and attacks other humans.

From: Jayble; To: Amy; Subject: RE: WWZ
Reagayappa Plan
Ultimately, you will fail. I’m sorry but it is best you hear it from me. At some point in the Rockies or Appalachians, I will take one of the motorcycles and leave your band to forage for myself. With me I will have my trusted sword (or light saber if the technology is invented), nunchuks, small arms and a rifle, and my baton. You see, I will not want to leave, but the Redeker plan can only succeed by the discipline of those involved. Already you have 8 ppl (you, bob, me, nick, kurt, matt, Jennifer, and blix). Matt will bring Lisa, Kurt will bring Kim (and Checkers), Jennifer’s son, Matt’s brothers and sisters, your family, when will it end? Soon you will need to get a bus just to fit the people? What about the food necessary to support the increased party? It will be sad to leave you all – but it will be a choice that I will make and I will pray each night that I did not leave my humanity behind with the rest of you.

Also, Kurt probably won’t be around long because he will get drunk, act like a quisling, and someone will shoot him.

Zombie Lions Will Inherit the Earth
I will check out I Am Legend – it looks good.

I agree with most your thoughts. Mankind will adapt to their new environment and because of the intelligence factor, we should be able to withstand a zombie attack and eventually push them back. The mass attacks would be the scariest and I think the best way to survive those is to get out as soon as you can amid the chaos. It’s one thing when thousands of zombies are chasing thousands of people, and another when all thousand are chasing one person.

I don’t think that Brooks addressed the animal issue well. He discusses the dogs and their training well but realistically, wouldn’t a lot of birds survive? Or most animals in the artic cold? I think mankind would eventually make those species extinct through hunting (which Brooks discussed with the whale section). That being said, I still think that no movie has answered (or asked) the question of the virus and it’s direct impact on animals and why they are not turning into zombies. It’s probably never asked because it’s too complicated an issue – but if the world does fall to zombies, and mankind does survive, and then thrives, I would devote the minds of the greatest scientist to discover why animals aren’t infected and if a cure/prevention can be developed. This would no doubt be the first footsteps into the dawn of Manimalkind….half man, half animal….MANIMAL!


	It's taken me 4 years and 50 articles to finally incorporate Manimal.

From: Amy; To: Jayble; Subject: RE: WWZ
I am completely laughing out loud at my computer at work. So funny. Really the Kurt part is what made me bust out.

I see the negatives to being with a group of people, but you’re forgetting the positives. Once you set up shop, you’ll need more people to stand watch all hours of the day/night, defend the area, etc. We could sustain ourselves with home-grown veggies. It’ll be okay. Of course, you’d be just as likely to succeed while off on your own, but where’s the fun in that? On the zombie-fighting compound, we can maintain our humanity AND still have prom.

We should work out this zombie-animal thing so that I can include it in my zombie screenplay…

To Be Continued...in Zombies in Vegas...coming soon to a theater near you!